Question Time?
So prior to beginning my adoption journey, I followed several adoption blogs and I always had questions that I wanted to ask, but I thought it might be out of place to do so ... so I never did.
I'm wondering if anyone has any questions like that about our adoption, Down syndrome or anything else that I can answer? Anything {well most anything} is game ... just leave a comment on this blog post and feel free to do it anonymously if you like. :) C'mon ... don't be shy ... I know some of you want to know more! LOL.
Okay, here we go!
Okay, here's a pretty superficial one, but one I'm curious about regardless . . . We have court next week. Do I bring along some dress shoes, or can I wear my dress boots that I will have on for the weather?
I would say you would be fine with your dress boots (if they are leather ... which I assume they are since you called them DRESS boots), considering that is what EVERYONE here wears every day of the week. They wear dress boots with jeans, skirts, whatever. They told us that they preferred the women wear skirts to court, so maybe bring your dress boots with a modest skirt. Hope this helps!
Are you having/adopting more kids?
Although our hands are full for now, I do see us trying to have at least one more typical child. Who knows, Payton sort of changed our plans as far as kids are concerned. Before her, I would have been happy with just two kids. Now, I feel like the bigger the family, the better. I really would like Payton and Addison to grow up with lots of siblings that love them unconditionally ... big families are fun for everyone involved, right?!
Given your fertility "fun", was adoption ever a consideration before you had Mason and Payton?
You know me so well, Courtney! To fill everyone else in, yes ... we had problems getting pregnant with our biological kids. After three years of failure, we ending up conceiving through in vetro fertilization (IVF) with both of them. And yes, while we were trying to get pregnant, I thought about adoption a lot and I used to look at photo listings a lot ... so I think adoption has always been something that has been on my mind.
Do you truly feel just as connected to this GORGEOUS baby girl as you do to your other two amazing kids?
This is a really hard question ... and in fact it is the one thing that I think scares people when they adopt. You do wonder if you will love this child like you love your biological children ... although I wondered that during my second pregnancy too. I didn't know if I could love another child like I loved Mason, and of course we all know now that I love Payton so much my heart hurts!
We really do have an amazing connection with Addison and I think the fact that she is SO MUCH like Payton has a lot to do with it. I am totally in love with her ... is the depth of that love as deep as it is for my other two kids? I would say probably NOT YET, but it takes time to develop that depth of love and I know it will be the same for Addison. It is the same as a mother's love growing over time for her biological child ... the love you have for that child on the day he or she is born is not the same depth of love that you have for that child as time goes on and your bond becomes deeper. I actually can say that I am surprised at how deep the love we have for Addison is after only having spent a handful of days with her. She is already making us SO proud and we feel SO blessed to have found her.
When you adopt a child, the momma bear sort of takes over. Here you are given this child that has no family, no mommy or daddy that wants her, no siblings to play with. Being able to give that to a child is an amazing feeling ... and I think the bond that comes with that is amazing. I would do anything for Addison that I would do for my other two kids and I believe she will mesh perfectly into our family. ;-)
I don't know how many rooms you have in your house, but how are the kids rooms set up? The girls together, then mason, or every man for himself?
We have four bedrooms upstairs, one of which is a "guest suite" with a sitting area and its own full bathroom. Mason will be moving into that room ... we figured he is the oldest and the only boy at this point, so he wins. The girls will each get their own bedroom and then share a full bathroom that is between their rooms. I pondered putting them in a room together, but I decided not to do that. Not sure why ... and I continue to question my decision since I know Addison is used to sleeping in a room with others ... and Lord knows Payton likes to sleep with other people too. So we'll see how that pans out. LOL.
I remember you mentioned something about Addison's mom or some relative that was getting the news that she was going to be adopted ... what happened with that? Did you find out more about her family or anything else?
Yes ... the social worker met with the birth mother the week after our first trip to get paperwork from her. They told the birth mother that we wanted to adopt Addison and the birth mother was fine with it. She and the birth father (her husband) had released their rights to Addison when she was about one month old ... because she has Down syndrome, of course. From what I was told, members of the extended family also have to release the child, so that is what they were waiting on ... the biological aunt of Addison had to write a letter releasing her as well. I suppose they get letters from the entire family (i.e. aunts, uncles, grandparents) because their first preference would be that Addison live with them if the birth parents did not want the child. In Addison's case, the entire family released their rights to her ... most likely because she has Down syndrome. She was never visited by any family member during her stay at the baby home.
We did ask if we might be able to get a picture of Addison's birth mother to have to show her when she gets older if she wants to see it, but the birth mother rejected our request ... which we pretty much expected to happen. We do have the names of Addison's birth parents, but that is pretty much it.
Also, as far as Russian government records go, the original birth certificate reflecting the names of the birth parents is destroyed when a child is adopted and it is replaced with the new birth certificate reflecting the names of the adoptive parents. So we have a birth certificate for Addison with our names on it, as well as an adoption certificate with our names on it. Essentially any record that ties her to her birth parents is destroyed. I was surprised to learn that, but what do I know? LOL.
I was wondering how big she is in comparison to Payton? They look very close in size, will they wear they same size clothing or is Addison fitting in P's hand-me-downs?
Addison is a little smaller than Payton ... Addison is about 28 pounds and Payton is about 32 pounds and a few inches taller. Addison definitely needs a 2T in pants and either a 2T or 3T in shirts ... Payton is a 3T in pants and either a 3T or 4T in shirts ... gotta fit those buddha bellies! So yes, Payton's clothes will come in very handy for Addison ... that is what she is wearing now, in fact!
Here's a question ... who's your favorite twin? Also, a question for Kyle .... was the beer good?
Hahaha McKenna ... my favorite twin would be ... McKenna! And Kyle says, "Yes, it was ochen facusna." That is a phonetic spelling for delicious. LOL. He thinks he is so smart.
My big question is, how tempted are you to bring them ALL home with you?!
I know, it is very hard. I think I would have had a much harder time with this is if we had adopted from a baby home that was not as good as Addison's. Nonetheless ... whether they are in a good baby home or not, most of the kids do not have parents. Some have parents that visit them, which renders them unavailable for adoption ... and that breaks my heart even more. It is hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that these parents choose not to (or cannot) raise their children, yet as long as they visit the child (perhaps once a month, sometimes less ... sometimes more), the child cannot be adopted.
So ... the best thing for me to do at this point, since I can't bring them all home, is to advocate for others to adopt! :)
Are you concerned about Addison's sleeping schedule once you leave Russia? Have you been given any tips or tricks to help get her acclimated?
I'm not necessarily concerned ... she will have to adjust just as we will. She is a very good sleeper ... I hope she adjusts okay, but no ... I haven't been given any tips to get her acclimated, other than just transitioning her into her new schedule. I'm sure we are all going to be exhausted for a few days!
Have you been given advice or what have you done in prepping Mason and Payton for bringing Addison home. I'm sure you're sharing everything with them that they can understand but I was curious if you've been given advice on how to help them assimilate to having a new sister and vice versa. It's probably some of the same growing pains that any family goes through when you bring a new baby home but I'm curious if you've been given any advice or tips?
Mason definitely understands everything ... Payton, not so much. After we decided we were going to adopt, we bought a couple children's books for the kids. The books are great at telling stories about orphans and adoption. That was an easy way to explain to Mason that not all kids like him have mommies and daddies that can take care of them. We showed him a picture of Addison and told him that she did not have a mommy and daddy that was able to take care of her. He immediately said, "Well, how about if you be her mommy, and daddy can be her daddy, and I'll be her brother and Chicky can be her sister." I'm not kidding ... this was after reading the books about adoption and he received no prompting from us ... in fact, I think this was our very first discussion with him about our plans to adopt. He is an amazing kid. :) He is very excited to have another baby sister and everything lately has become about when "Baby Addison" comes home. He will wear his new pajamas when Baby Addison comes home; he will start using his new Batman bedding when Baby Addison comes home; and so on. So cute.
I think Payton will be excited as well. She loves kids that are smaller than her and she is excellent with them. Prior to us coming to Russia, she saw Addison's picture and use to kiss it and sign "baby". She also has seen Addison on skype (video cam) since we have been here and they talk and wave to each other.
Splitting our time equally between the kids will be the biggest, and most important, challenge. :)
How close are the girls in age?
They are 9 1/2 months apart.
Were you able to get any pictures of Addison from the baby home? That is one thing I wish I would have asked for!
Yes, we did! They gave us maybe four of five pictures from when she was younger, plus we have the picture that was in the MOE databank.
Are you worried about Addison's ability to communicate and learn language skills given that she now is faced with trying to understand a new language? Does she attempt to say any words in Russian yet?
It definitely is a concern, but the benefits of her being adopted pretty much outweighs that concern. This is something that comes with all adoptions. Being as though she just turned two, and she has Down syndrome, her expressive language in Russian is pretty much non-existent. Her receptive language in Russian, however, is extensive. That is why we have picked up a language course that teaches you common phrases that you would need when adopting a child ... that has been VERY helpful.
As far as learning English, they says kids that are young and adopted are very resilient and I know she is already understanding some stuff in English. We are trying to say the phrase in Russian (as much as we know, at least) and then we repeat it in English. We are also using sign language to a certain extent.
Kids who have Down syndrome have language delays no matter what, so even if Addison had been born in the U.S., I wouldn't expect her to have extensive expressive language by this point anyway. We'll get there! :)
I'm wondering if anyone has any questions like that about our adoption, Down syndrome or anything else that I can answer? Anything {well most anything} is game ... just leave a comment on this blog post and feel free to do it anonymously if you like. :) C'mon ... don't be shy ... I know some of you want to know more! LOL.
Okay, here we go!
Okay, here's a pretty superficial one, but one I'm curious about regardless . . . We have court next week. Do I bring along some dress shoes, or can I wear my dress boots that I will have on for the weather?
I would say you would be fine with your dress boots (if they are leather ... which I assume they are since you called them DRESS boots), considering that is what EVERYONE here wears every day of the week. They wear dress boots with jeans, skirts, whatever. They told us that they preferred the women wear skirts to court, so maybe bring your dress boots with a modest skirt. Hope this helps!
Are you having/adopting more kids?
Although our hands are full for now, I do see us trying to have at least one more typical child. Who knows, Payton sort of changed our plans as far as kids are concerned. Before her, I would have been happy with just two kids. Now, I feel like the bigger the family, the better. I really would like Payton and Addison to grow up with lots of siblings that love them unconditionally ... big families are fun for everyone involved, right?!
Given your fertility "fun", was adoption ever a consideration before you had Mason and Payton?
You know me so well, Courtney! To fill everyone else in, yes ... we had problems getting pregnant with our biological kids. After three years of failure, we ending up conceiving through in vetro fertilization (IVF) with both of them. And yes, while we were trying to get pregnant, I thought about adoption a lot and I used to look at photo listings a lot ... so I think adoption has always been something that has been on my mind.
Do you truly feel just as connected to this GORGEOUS baby girl as you do to your other two amazing kids?
This is a really hard question ... and in fact it is the one thing that I think scares people when they adopt. You do wonder if you will love this child like you love your biological children ... although I wondered that during my second pregnancy too. I didn't know if I could love another child like I loved Mason, and of course we all know now that I love Payton so much my heart hurts!
We really do have an amazing connection with Addison and I think the fact that she is SO MUCH like Payton has a lot to do with it. I am totally in love with her ... is the depth of that love as deep as it is for my other two kids? I would say probably NOT YET, but it takes time to develop that depth of love and I know it will be the same for Addison. It is the same as a mother's love growing over time for her biological child ... the love you have for that child on the day he or she is born is not the same depth of love that you have for that child as time goes on and your bond becomes deeper. I actually can say that I am surprised at how deep the love we have for Addison is after only having spent a handful of days with her. She is already making us SO proud and we feel SO blessed to have found her.
When you adopt a child, the momma bear sort of takes over. Here you are given this child that has no family, no mommy or daddy that wants her, no siblings to play with. Being able to give that to a child is an amazing feeling ... and I think the bond that comes with that is amazing. I would do anything for Addison that I would do for my other two kids and I believe she will mesh perfectly into our family. ;-)
I don't know how many rooms you have in your house, but how are the kids rooms set up? The girls together, then mason, or every man for himself?
We have four bedrooms upstairs, one of which is a "guest suite" with a sitting area and its own full bathroom. Mason will be moving into that room ... we figured he is the oldest and the only boy at this point, so he wins. The girls will each get their own bedroom and then share a full bathroom that is between their rooms. I pondered putting them in a room together, but I decided not to do that. Not sure why ... and I continue to question my decision since I know Addison is used to sleeping in a room with others ... and Lord knows Payton likes to sleep with other people too. So we'll see how that pans out. LOL.
I remember you mentioned something about Addison's mom or some relative that was getting the news that she was going to be adopted ... what happened with that? Did you find out more about her family or anything else?
Yes ... the social worker met with the birth mother the week after our first trip to get paperwork from her. They told the birth mother that we wanted to adopt Addison and the birth mother was fine with it. She and the birth father (her husband) had released their rights to Addison when she was about one month old ... because she has Down syndrome, of course. From what I was told, members of the extended family also have to release the child, so that is what they were waiting on ... the biological aunt of Addison had to write a letter releasing her as well. I suppose they get letters from the entire family (i.e. aunts, uncles, grandparents) because their first preference would be that Addison live with them if the birth parents did not want the child. In Addison's case, the entire family released their rights to her ... most likely because she has Down syndrome. She was never visited by any family member during her stay at the baby home.
We did ask if we might be able to get a picture of Addison's birth mother to have to show her when she gets older if she wants to see it, but the birth mother rejected our request ... which we pretty much expected to happen. We do have the names of Addison's birth parents, but that is pretty much it.
Also, as far as Russian government records go, the original birth certificate reflecting the names of the birth parents is destroyed when a child is adopted and it is replaced with the new birth certificate reflecting the names of the adoptive parents. So we have a birth certificate for Addison with our names on it, as well as an adoption certificate with our names on it. Essentially any record that ties her to her birth parents is destroyed. I was surprised to learn that, but what do I know? LOL.
I was wondering how big she is in comparison to Payton? They look very close in size, will they wear they same size clothing or is Addison fitting in P's hand-me-downs?
Addison is a little smaller than Payton ... Addison is about 28 pounds and Payton is about 32 pounds and a few inches taller. Addison definitely needs a 2T in pants and either a 2T or 3T in shirts ... Payton is a 3T in pants and either a 3T or 4T in shirts ... gotta fit those buddha bellies! So yes, Payton's clothes will come in very handy for Addison ... that is what she is wearing now, in fact!
Here's a question ... who's your favorite twin? Also, a question for Kyle .... was the beer good?
Hahaha McKenna ... my favorite twin would be ... McKenna! And Kyle says, "Yes, it was ochen facusna." That is a phonetic spelling for delicious. LOL. He thinks he is so smart.
My big question is, how tempted are you to bring them ALL home with you?!
I know, it is very hard. I think I would have had a much harder time with this is if we had adopted from a baby home that was not as good as Addison's. Nonetheless ... whether they are in a good baby home or not, most of the kids do not have parents. Some have parents that visit them, which renders them unavailable for adoption ... and that breaks my heart even more. It is hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that these parents choose not to (or cannot) raise their children, yet as long as they visit the child (perhaps once a month, sometimes less ... sometimes more), the child cannot be adopted.
So ... the best thing for me to do at this point, since I can't bring them all home, is to advocate for others to adopt! :)
Are you concerned about Addison's sleeping schedule once you leave Russia? Have you been given any tips or tricks to help get her acclimated?
I'm not necessarily concerned ... she will have to adjust just as we will. She is a very good sleeper ... I hope she adjusts okay, but no ... I haven't been given any tips to get her acclimated, other than just transitioning her into her new schedule. I'm sure we are all going to be exhausted for a few days!
Have you been given advice or what have you done in prepping Mason and Payton for bringing Addison home. I'm sure you're sharing everything with them that they can understand but I was curious if you've been given advice on how to help them assimilate to having a new sister and vice versa. It's probably some of the same growing pains that any family goes through when you bring a new baby home but I'm curious if you've been given any advice or tips?
Mason definitely understands everything ... Payton, not so much. After we decided we were going to adopt, we bought a couple children's books for the kids. The books are great at telling stories about orphans and adoption. That was an easy way to explain to Mason that not all kids like him have mommies and daddies that can take care of them. We showed him a picture of Addison and told him that she did not have a mommy and daddy that was able to take care of her. He immediately said, "Well, how about if you be her mommy, and daddy can be her daddy, and I'll be her brother and Chicky can be her sister." I'm not kidding ... this was after reading the books about adoption and he received no prompting from us ... in fact, I think this was our very first discussion with him about our plans to adopt. He is an amazing kid. :) He is very excited to have another baby sister and everything lately has become about when "Baby Addison" comes home. He will wear his new pajamas when Baby Addison comes home; he will start using his new Batman bedding when Baby Addison comes home; and so on. So cute.
I think Payton will be excited as well. She loves kids that are smaller than her and she is excellent with them. Prior to us coming to Russia, she saw Addison's picture and use to kiss it and sign "baby". She also has seen Addison on skype (video cam) since we have been here and they talk and wave to each other.
Splitting our time equally between the kids will be the biggest, and most important, challenge. :)
How close are the girls in age?
They are 9 1/2 months apart.
Were you able to get any pictures of Addison from the baby home? That is one thing I wish I would have asked for!
Yes, we did! They gave us maybe four of five pictures from when she was younger, plus we have the picture that was in the MOE databank.
Are you worried about Addison's ability to communicate and learn language skills given that she now is faced with trying to understand a new language? Does she attempt to say any words in Russian yet?
It definitely is a concern, but the benefits of her being adopted pretty much outweighs that concern. This is something that comes with all adoptions. Being as though she just turned two, and she has Down syndrome, her expressive language in Russian is pretty much non-existent. Her receptive language in Russian, however, is extensive. That is why we have picked up a language course that teaches you common phrases that you would need when adopting a child ... that has been VERY helpful.
As far as learning English, they says kids that are young and adopted are very resilient and I know she is already understanding some stuff in English. We are trying to say the phrase in Russian (as much as we know, at least) and then we repeat it in English. We are also using sign language to a certain extent.
Kids who have Down syndrome have language delays no matter what, so even if Addison had been born in the U.S., I wouldn't expect her to have extensive expressive language by this point anyway. We'll get there! :)